ad astra

Last week I was ill.  At night I would be struck by fever and spend the nights rolling around in sweat (while freezing at the same time), and during the days my head would throb upon standing, sitting, or looking at anything.  Given the symptoms I think we all know what it was: an aire.

What is an aire, you ask?  Well, if I really knew I would gladly explain.  But I can only offer a vague description.  However, hopefully you will learn enough to be able to effectively avoid them.  Basically, forget everything you’ve ever learned about disease pathology.  Colds are not caused by viruses.  The flu is not transmitted hand-to-mouth.  We’ve been misled for years.  You see, what causes gripe is much more sinister: abrupt changes in temperature.

Skeptical?  I was too.  But ask any Costa Rican and they will tell you the same.  Aires lurk at the border between hot and cold, just waiting to leap into your lungs the minute you cross the line.  In light of this new evidence, the cause of my sickness last week is obvious.  Last Wednesday I, in an unspeakable act of foolishness, let the gym without a sweater.  I know - horrifying.  But the deed is done and I paid the price.  You see the gym is hot, and when you work out your body gets hot.  So when you leave the gym you have to make sure your body stays hot by putting on a sweater.  Otherwise, exposing yourself to the frigid Costa Rican air (read: seventies) makes you a prime target for the aires.  I actually consider it a miracle to be alive, since I spent much of last winter going to the gym in Rochester and leaving from the gym into the Rochester air (read: teens) in my shorts and t-shirt.  How I survived is beyond me.

This incredible danger which abrupt temperature changes pose is the same reason why, if you are holding a baby and need to open the refrigerator, you must cover the babies head with a blanket before doing so.  Exposing such a defenseless creature to a blast of cold air could do unspeakable damage.  This is also why it is easy to mistake Tico children for lost Eskimo babies, given their parents habit of preparing them for Arctic weather before taking them out of the house.  You never can be too careful.

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OK - I’ve been too harsh on the Ticos.  Most of it stems from my annoyance with a thousand people telling me that I had a migraine because I didn’t wear appropriate apparel upon leaving the gym.  But really, many Tico’s believe everything I just wrote (that baby thing is not made up), and after all, who am I to judge?  I think that every culture probably has beliefs that would seem somewhat nutty to an outsider (in Romania sitting on pavement makes you infertile), but I think that’s what makes different cultures so incredible (Any example of beliefs from the US that make us seem insane?).  So I think it’s OK to roll our eyes once and a while, as long as we roll with respect.  At least that’s what I’m going to try and do for the next few months.

Coincidentally, I’ve decided to toss a sweater in my gym bag - just in case.